By Joni Ames

Were you ever in a meeting where the speaker yelled their message so constantly that it made you want to get up and leave? Or stand up and yell back at them?

I wanted to tell them, “Stop yelling. I can’t hear you when you yell. I stop listening when you start yelling. It’s repulsive. A fruit of the Holy Spirit is self control. Control yourself. Use your indoor voice.”

I wondered why I felt that way, so I decided to look it up. 

Studies show that once you start yelling, your listener will struggle to process what you say rationally. In fact, most people shut down and stop listening when they are being yelled at.

Being yelled at changes the mind, brain and body in a multitude of ways, including increasing stress hormones in the blood stream, increasing muscular tension.

Yelling at someone is verbal abuse and creates depression and anxiety. 

Some of the psychological effects of being yelled at are:
* Anxiety
* Depression
* Stress
* Nervous system issues 
* Sleep issues
* Personality disorders
* Interpersonal problems
* Phobias
* Adjustment issues

When being yelled at, the brain starts to release neurochemicals that will lead to either fighting the possible threat, running away from it, or freezing, none of which is considered good. It certainly doesn’t seem to work towards getting your point across and accepted.

When speakers yell, it shows their own insecurity at being afraid they won’t be heard or remembered. However, it actually accomplishes that unwanted result and often creates a disdain for them.

The problem with yelling and screaming at someone to get heard is that anger is the emotion that takes over. It is condescending and it is common for it to be hurtful, humiliating, belittling and disrespectful to the hearer in the process of communicating the message.

Our society has managed to accept and permit yelling as part of (PsychologyToday):
* Parenting strategies
* Teaching and correcting student or employee behaviors
* Get attention from others
* Assert oneself over another
* Inciting or stirring up emotions in others
* Encourage, inspire or stimulate others

When someone is constantly yelling, they are displaying emotional tyranny over you. Their goal is to gain an upper hand in the situation and the yelling is their means of gaining control over you. It is a form of intimidation. It is a way of bullying someone into getting them to do what the yeller wants done.

If we resort to yelling very often in every aspect of our lives just so we can be heard then we are displaying a lack of self-control, emotional regulation, and an ineffective communicating style. 

Consider the following:
* Listeners have emotional needs that need proper tending. In consequence, if their needs are met, then they may develop skills to face life’s challenges more easily.
* Learn the basics of emotions and how you can help others to recognize and manage situations without yelling about it.
* You can have a positive effect by being compassionate and kind, encouraging the listener’s curiosity.
* If you tend to lose your temper easily, seek some advice on how to handle your emotions and ways to cope with them. Don’t throw up your frustrations on your listeners by yelling at them.

If you are truly passionate about your speaking topic and want to be heard, yelling won’t accomplish your desired result.

Study your topic, share factual and relatable stories about it, interject humor. Don’t yell.

Joni Ames

Now to Aug. 31: Open

Sept. 1-13: Open

Tues., Sept. 14th, 1-3pm: MorningStar University, teaching 2nd and 3rd year MSU students in the MSU room. 

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Joni Ames
3160 Hwy 21, Ste 103, Bx 303
Fort Mill, SC 29715

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Joni Ames 3160 Hwy 21, Ste 103, Bx 303 Fort Mill, SC 29715 USA
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