This month's Newsletter is truly the end of where words can go. All of the Newsletters have been leading up to this one.
One cannot discover that they are the illusion through words. One must begin to directly discover it through investigation. Many do not chose to do this for one reason or another. For some it might be that they like the feeling that they are in control, for others it maybe the fear of discovering they are not. However, there are always a few that are pioneers in this regard. They have grown tired of the constant need to keep things in order, while life is flip-flopping them inside out and upside down ... allowing them to hold onto nothing. Life will do this because it knows that the true Release/Peace for you is in letting go, so it shakes things up ... it allows for you to become complacent and then turns you inside out. Your whole life has been in search of that Release/Peace that you were/are born in.
There are not really steps in regards to the direct experience of Release/Peace, so please humor this a bit because words are lacking in how to point the attention to where no steps are needed or ever used.
The first step one takes in the discovery that they do not actually exist is to see that they are not the body. If you believe you are the body, then you will continue to say, "I exist because the body is here" ... however you are not the body and you can begin to see this through direct investigation as well. If you were the body you could not lose a part of it and still be here ... you are not your arm ... if you lose the arm, you do not lose yourself. If you lose the body, you do not lose what is Aware of the body ... which is your Self. You must sit with this if you are to truly discover that who you have believed you are ... this entire life ... has been an illusion.
If you have become comfortable with the idea, even if it is not completely obvious, that you are not the body, then you can begin to take the next step, which is to see that you are also not the thoughts. Thoughts come and go all the time, if you were the thoughts, you would come and go all the time as well, but you do not come and go, you are what is Aware of the coming and the going.
The illusion has been that you believed you are the thoughts (especially the thought "I"), that you are the body, that you are what comes and goes, which both the body and thoughts do come and go. Eventually the body will drop and intuitively you know that you do not. However what you don't know is what remains.
Those that are not ready to give up control create a heaven where some imaginary body and thought/personality remains and their surprise is revealed on the death bed when it becomes obvious that everything that they thought they were ... isn't.
You (the reader) do not have to wait for death to know this. You, can discover this right now, with a bit of willingness or over a course of time in the direct discovery of it.
The third step is to begin to watch what you do and what you think ... this is harder to reveal, because you truly have to watch what you think and what actually happens (actions). You have to pay attention to yourself. You watch the thoughts that say (using the grocery store as an example) "I better write out a list" but you find that it doesn't happen ... you didn't have time or something interfered and you get to the store and you have forgotten everything that you intended to buy and yet you still go through the store and end up with everything that you need ... not what you thought you were going to buy, but what you need and you don't always discover this right away ... sometimes you find that you are in your kitchen weeks later with something you bought that at the time you thought "i don't need that," and yet here it is weeks later and it is exactly what you need.
It is these little breaks in thinking that you are doing it that reveal it is all done in spite of you. The closer you get to seeing that you "who you thought you are" has not ever been needed, the closer you become to seeing that not only were you not needed but you didn't ever exist ... it was only a smoke screen of accumulated thoughts that made it seem as if there was a separate you ... an individual you. There is a body ... that seems separate from everything else and there are thoughts that seem unique to your person .... however that is all part of the smoke screen that distracts one from what both the body and thoughts and concept of identity appear IN ... which is the Actual, True and only You that has ever been and ever will be.
The more you allow for the possibility that you have been completely wrong in who you thought you are, the more life uses everything to reveal to you who you Actually Are. Another tool you can use to assist in the discovery that you are not the thoughts or what you think is to begin to say "STOP" in the middle of a thought. This assists in taking the importance away from "thinking" from "thoughts" allowing the revelation that you have not ever had an important thought in your entire life, but you will not know this until you "STOP" giving importance to them.
It can't be understood with the mind. You cannot use what doesn't exist (mind) to figure out who you Are. You simply begin to let go of trying to understand. You have spent your whole life trying to understand things, thinking that you will figure it all out but you overlook that you were born in the perfection that you are in right now and it was only "thinking" that you are not that made it seem there was something to find.
The fourth step is to relax into being Nothing ... no thing.
Not nothing like thoughts will tell you nothing is ... be without thought. Allow the thoughts to drop like rain and see what they appear in. Discover who it rains thoughts for.
Fifth and final ... give up control. You don't have it anyway you only think you do and thinking if you have done step three, you now know ... has nothing to do with reality anyway. Once you stop trying to understand this you begin to smile, realizing you never did anything ever at all but you were taking all the credit. It isn't about becoming irresponsible it is in discovering "Who" is responsible and it has not ever been the "you" that you "think" you are.
For a time it, maybe frustrating or infuriating, it is quite commonly so and also part of the giving up of control. The more frustrating it gets, the more likely you are to surrender trying to keep it or figure it out and just allow for it to be revealed to you ... like it always is anyway.
Life is playing out before your eyes and you are gifted the Awareness of it. Whether you investigate any of the above or not, changes nothing and if you don't discover it today or tomorrow ... it will be discovered on your deathbed as one is stripped of all they thought they were ... so truly there nothing to worry or be concerned about ... you won't ever get it (understand) because ultimately there is Nothing (no Thing) to get.
In giving up ... everything is gained.