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Welcome to HEN - Transforming Conflict for our Health, Environment, Negotiation

HEN is published each month by Julia Menard:
Helping the Workplace Engage - One Tough Conversation at a Time!  juliamenard.com

HEN arrives at the full moon - 
because light transforms darkness.   

Full Moon: October 18, 2013 - Year 11, Issue 10
 
Table of Contents:

1. HEALTH - The Healing Code

Time and again, conflict comes down to our internal state of being. If a certain situation or person in my life is causing me stress, the best first step is usually to listen to my heart. What I find there are issues that need resolving in me – whether it’s forgiveness, unhealthy beliefs, or harmful actions on my part.

A book I came across recently offers a lovely way to move through these inner roadblocks. The book is called The Healing Code and outlines a simple process to engage the inner healing that can bring a more balanced approach to any problem.

The Healing Code is intended to dissolve our deeper inner stress. I’ve been doing it for about a week so far, and I definitely feel better about the newest conflict in my life. I’ve also enjoyed watching the situation transform for the better as the days went on. Delightful!

The neat thing is this practice is originally designed to support deep physical healing. The practice is a cross between Reiki, prayer and meditation and takes just 6 minutes to do. The trick is, like any practice, to do it every day.

Essentially, you think of the situation that is stressing you and rate the level of intensity from 1 – 10 (10 being most intense). Then see if you can pinpoint an unhealthy feeling or image that goes along with that situation. You can also put your hands on your heart and ask if there is a link to your past (a familiar feeling). Rate the intensity of that memory too. Then take a few deep breaths and focus on something that evokes love and caring in you – some person or memory or belief that evokes the feeling of unconditional love. Once you have that heart resonance, then you do a 4 part prayer.

For a description of the 4 steps, click here


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"The energy frequency of pure love heals anything."
… Dr Ben Johnson, co-author, The Healing Code



2. ENVIRONMENT - Animals First

Having the opportunity recently to work with two different First Nations communities has made one thing clear – those who have lived here for thousands of years have a love, knowledge and value for the land that we immigrants can never know!

My newest love has made it tempting for me to romanticize another’s culture and condemn my own European heritage. However, I think that would be a mistake. 

We have differences and some of those differences are to be celebrated, others are to be learned from. And, our similarities can also serve to unite us and bring us together. The most important similarity is that we are all animals.

What this means when it comes to conflict is that we all have a built-in predisposition to demonize the “other” who is different from us, we all tend to anxiously scan our environments for danger (real and imagined), and we all share a deep longing to connect.

Knowing this, and operating from this paradigm of animal first, keeps us honest, I think. Yes, the European culture has produced some huge errors and pain. As has any organized human animal system.

And, although some systems are more functional than others, each system was created by human animals. This isn’t meant to excuse wrongdoings. It is meant to unite us in the reminder that each of us comes into this world vulnerable and we each leave this world the same way. We are animals first.

“All human beings come from a mother’s womb. We are all the same part of one human family. We should have a clear realization of the oneness of all humanity.”
… The Dalai Lama (Tenzin Gyatso)

 

3. NEGOTIATION - Love For No Reason

Marci Shimoff, an author known for her research on what makes people happy, has written another book called Love for No Reason.

One of the gems of her work is her belief that our main purpose for living is to expand our capacity to love. She cites those who’ve had near-death experiences, saying they often report back that a life review happens and that one question seems to be predominant. 

That question is: how much did you love?

Think of a conflict you have going on in your life right now. Then think about you at your own deathbed – about to undergo your own life review. If you were asked this question about the person or situation that is disturbing you now – what would you say?

How much did you love?

One of the practices that helps stimulate more of a heart orientation is from The Heartmath Institute. It is a quick 10 second practice that can help you hear your own inner voice.

You start by putting your hand on your heart. This gesture stimulates the flow of oxcytocin, the bonding hormone.

Then put your attention to your heart region and imagine you are breathing into your heart on the in-breath and out of your heart on the out-breath. Do this for a few breaths.

Then, as you breathe in, imagine you are breathing in love, ease and compassion. On the exhale, just breathe normally. As you breathe in love, ease and compassion you can think of those you love to expand the feelings.

At the end of one of my workshops last year, two people came up to me and asked me to help them resolve a long-standing issue between them. Spontaneously, I asked them to put their hands over their heart as they spoke to each other. The results were startling. They worked through the difficult discussion in about 5 to 10 minutes as each of them was able to stay centered in what they wanted to say to each other. They truly were speaking from their hearts – literally.

My belief is the link between love and conflict will become a new area for research and practice. The mindfulness and happiness folks are all over it already. And soon enough, the more “hard-edged” worlds of negotiation and conflict resolution will catch up. 

“Science says that everything in the universe is energy. I believe love is the highest energetic vibration and the way we move into that energetic vibration is through the heart…. I love Ram Dass’ call to move those 18 inches from your head, with all its thousands of thoughts, down into the heart, just by putting your attention there and saying ‘I am love.’ ” 
… Marci Shimoff

 

CONTACT:

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Julia Menard, B.A., Cert. Con. Res., P.C.C.
Leadership & Conflict Coaching, Mediating, & Training

250-381-7522
juliamenard.com

SERVICES
  • Are you facing any tough conflicts at work?
  • Are you unclear about how to proceed through the tough stuff?
  • Are you wanting to make time to focus on creating stronger relationships at work?
Then consider investing time in learning more powerful ways to engage conflict productively. If you think I might be able to help – please contact me.  It would be my pleasure to have a conversation with you to see if I can!

In the meantime, have a look at what I have to offer these days:


1. E-COURSE:
Making Tough Conversations Great!

 
10 week self-study course with Facebook Group Community
COST: $95 (+HST)




If you’d like an easy way to educate yourself more about making tough conversations great, check out my e-course

The Making Tough Conversations Great e-course is sent to you via email every week for 10 weeks. Each week you receive a new lesson and get to focus on one key concept and a few practice ideas. It takes the vast area of “negotiation” and “tough conversations” and breaks it down into manageable chunks.

Topics in the e-course include:
  • Focusing on your Best Intentions for your Tough Conversation
  • Leading with Observations (Separating Fact from Fiction)
  • Linking feelings to Needs
  • Converting resistance (Winning Yourself a Hearing!)
  • Deferring solutions to the end
There is also a private online coaching group, where you can ask me questions, engage in discussions, share your struggles, and celebrate your successes!
 
To get going on this course, just email me and ask, or register online.


2. Stay Cool - Through Conflict!

E-course
Audio recordings, e-book, and audio tools with Julia Menard & Judy Zehr

COST:  $149 (+applicable tax)

We're offering Stay Cool - Through Conflict as an e-course, with a full course e-book and recorded sessions. We use concepts from stress science to give you the tools you need to hang onto yourself in the face of conflict. 
 
Click here to find out more and to register.



3. EXECUTIVE COACHING

Various estimates peg the average time managers spend dealing with conflict between 25 to 60 percent. Some of my best clients are managers and leaders who value relationships and invest time and attention into their relationships. They know this pays off in big dividends.

Yet most leaders receive minimal - or no – training, support or guidance on how to analyze and manage conflicts productively.

If you'd like to strengthen your communication/conflict management skills, I offer one-on-one coaching for executives as one way to achieve that goal. Having someone support you for a specific period of time as you clarify your learning goals and then start to enact them, is an effective and efficient way to change what you want to.  

If you would like to set up a time to talk more, just reply to this email with "Coaching" in the subject line.



4. Local WORKSHOPS in Victoria on Tough Conversations

Available for organizations and individuals in Victoria, BC

  • Does conflict make you break out in a sweat?
  • When it doesn’t go well, can you feel a tension so thick you can cut it with a knife?
This workshop, like the e-course of the same name, offers a practical model for how to start and sustain a collaborative conversation. It incorporates interpersonal communication concepts from Interest-based Negotiation, Non-Violent Communication, and Clear Leadership. Tools include:

Topics include:
  • How to Get Out of Your Own Way
  • Separate Fact from Fiction
  • Link Feelings to Needs

"If only you could love enough, you would be the happiest and most powerful being in the universe." 
… Emmet Fox

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