What Do You Really Want?

Nancy KalinaThis is the question I have been asking myself for the past few weeks. It’s a good exercise to revisit on a regular basis. Lately, I have been using this question to create a new vision board for my life-coaching practice. If you are unfamiliar with a vision board, it is a fun way to graphically illustrate your true heart’s hopes, desires, and dreams. The belief is that by doing this, you increase the likelihood that your dreams will come true. As Martha Beck stated in Finding Your Own North Star, “If you can’t dream it, you can’t do it!”

I made my first vision board in 2011 when I was reading Martha Beck’s book Finding Your Own North Star. It was around that time I registered to be one of Martha’s students for her life-coach training program. Looking back, almost everything on that vision board became a reality, which still amazes me to this day! That vision board included vacationing at Yosemite, going to Hawaii, getting certified as a Martha Beck Life Coach, and pictures of family getting together. That vision board was made mostly from pictures out of magazines and catalogs, etc. Each person’s vision board is as unique as they are. What’s important to keep in mind when creating your own vision board is to create it in a way that feels good to you.

Now, I am visioning and envisioning yet again how I would desire my life coach practice to evolve and grow over the next three years. The place where vision boards can go awry is when we make our choices from our ego, or social self, as opposed to taking the time to discover what it is our essential self is longing for. This is a trap for all of us, whether we are creating a vision board or simply going through our life and making choices along the way. It’s so easy to make choices that we think we want, but in reality, what we think we want may just be another way of pleasing other people or proving to ourselves that we are worthy. For example, we may find ourselves wanting the perfect house, partner, job, or car. It is fine to desire anything that we believe will result in happiness. However, for the most part, items that the ego desires don’t tend to bring long-term happiness. Another example is when we’re going to a party or an event and deep down our heart wants a nice, quiet day with dear friends walking through the woods. I experience not being in touch with my true desires every time I drive by Wendy’s and smell their greasy food! My mind says “Go! Get a double cheeseburger, large fries, and a Coke! It will make you sooooo happy!” However, I know that what I really want are those feelings and sensations I experience when I eat healthy. I am more energized, have a bounce in my step, and find myself more alert and focused. My ego tries to trick me and make me forget what I really want. If we pay attention to what it is we really want, it becomes easier to pass Wendy’s (though truth be told that can still be challenging), pass on dating someone just to date, and pass on the job that will provide a solid income but isn’t motivating or inspiring. It’s important to discover for yourself if the car, the job, or your partner is your true desire or your ego’s desire. It’s possible and probable that what you truly want is something that feels awesome to your body and to your soul and wakes you up with desire.

So, the best suggestion I can give when making daily choices or creating a vision board is to take the time and create the space to get quiet in order to hear the whispers from your true self. Visions will begin to pop in your head, and you will suddenly have a feeling that says, “I so want that!” This will make the decision process much longer, but it’s important to be patient and wait for the whispers if you don’t hear them right away. Right now, I am trying not to force my desires to occur so I can complete my vision board. I am taking my time and allowing the authentic dreams to whisper themselves to me. This is how I know the whispers are authentic and true to my heart’s desire. Consider the following to inspire the whispers from your true self.

  • Sit quietly and center yourself on how you want to feel in the future.
  • Journal what feeling you would like to experience in the future.
  • Then ask yourself what will bring about those emotions.
  • If the answer is unclear, give it time to show itself to you. The ego may try to trick you to believe you really want something, but your true self may remain very quiet on the topic. This is all right.
  • Be patient to hear what your heart is truly desiring for your life!

If you would like support to design your own vision board or simply make choices that truly will help you create the life that your essential self has envisioned, I am happy to support you in the process.


Sharing Corner

I am excited to share that my new eBook is now up on Amazon. So, if you are someone who has wanted to read this on your Kindle or other electronic device, wait no longer. Just go here.

Also, I’d like to share these quotes that showed themselves to me the morning I wrote this newsletter. I hope you find them as helpful as I do.



This commercial of Michael Phelps came across my Facebook feed. I love the video and the artistry in it. I also loved seeing a little bit of who Michael Phelps really is. Like many things that are inspiring, this video led me to another video. The second video is an interview by Joe Buck with Michael Phelps. Michael’s authentic nature and vulnerability in this interview make him so attractive. It is not his gold medals. It is not all his world records. It is his humanness that make him the beautiful person that he is, and that is true for all of us as well. Enjoy them both.




Until next time,

Safe Space Life Coaching

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