Love Yourself and Become Your Own Valentine!

Nancy KalinaHow many of you like Valentine’s Day? How many of you rebel against the very notion that there is one day when you are to proclaim your love and would rather think that every day is Valentine’s Day? Or how many of you simply don’t like the holiday because it reminds you that you are currently single and don’t feel as if you have anyone with whom to share it?

Whatever your persuasion, I would like to offer a different spin on the popular day. Since there are a variety of different histories that one can find on the Internet about St. Valentine, I would like to suggest that St. Valentine is the patron saint of our loving relationship with ourselves. Why not? The holiday is all about love and showing our loved ones how much we care. I say, “Let’s love ourselves first!” We tend to show our love for others much more than we would ever consider showing ourselves.

Brené Brown wisely says, “Love is not something we give or get; it is something that we nurture and grow, a connection that can only be cultivated between two people when it exists within each one of them — we can only love others as much as we love ourselves.” I believe this to be true. I know that there have been times in my life when it was difficult to receive love, and I realize now that it was difficult because I did not truly believe that I was worthy of unconditional love. Believing that I was unworthy, I did not take care of myself or take the time to shower myself with self-love and self-compassion. I pointed all my energy out toward others. However, in all honesty, I have to admit that I did not love people unconditionally at that time. I loved others when they were easy or showing up as their best, and I don’t think I am alone in this. It’s hard to love others when they are flawed and imperfect because we don’t love our own imperfections. When we begin to love ourselves and allow ourselves to be human — to make mistakes, say the wrong thing on occasion, go on a binge and eat an entire pint of Ben and Jerry’s chocolate fudge brownie ice cream, and not attend the gym for a few days or weeks — and still know that we are worthy of love and belonging, we can truly love others for all their imperfections as well.

So, I say let’s make this February a time to begin the journey of loving ourselves fully. We all deserve that. We deserve to rest on occasion and not beat ourselves up with thoughts about not being productive enough. We deserve to take ourselves out and enjoy the wonders of nature. We deserve to put on some music that inspires and reminds us to tune in to our true selves. We deserve to stop the struggle with not ever feeling enough and begin the fulfilling feeling of “I am enough!”

What does your essential self want? Maybe it wants a massage, some time to read, a day without picking up the phone or a healthy snack of blueberries as opposed to a bag of potato chips. Check in with your essential self and honor its requests, and begin the practice of self-love and self-compassion. When we begin to practice self-love and self-compassion (instead of just professing it), we are creating a new habit. Here’s last month’s e-newsletter to remind you that practicing is crucial to creating any new habit.

Write to me and fill me in on how you are practicing self-love and self-compassion. I would love to hear about it!


Sharing Corner

A heads-up for what is coming this spring: Check out this new telecourse that I will be offering with my awesome buddy Sarah Papp!

Remember when we used to make mix tapes for those we love? They were the ultimate, intimate gift. If you are under the age of 35, you might only know this as making playlists. Well, why not make a mix tape or playlist as a sign of love for ourselves? I wanted to share my top self-compassion, self-love songs with you, but when I started compiling them, the list kept growing! So, I decided to share some of my favorites. Some of these have very fun videos, to boot. Try them out or have fun discovering and compiling your top 5, 10 or 20 self-love songs for your very own self-compassion playlist. These are my go-to songs when I want a reminder that I am imperfect and I am SO ENOUGH!

  • Zac Brown: “No Hurry!”
  • Lady Gaga: “Born This Way”
  • Katy Perry: “Firework,” “Roar,” and “Love Me”
  • Cyndi Lauper, from the Broadway musical Kinky Boots: “Raise You Up” and “Just Be”
  • Cher: “Favorite Scars”
  • Lady Antebellum; “Compass”
    Had to include their video. Too much fun!
  • Pharrell Williams: “Happy”
    Another fun video - enjoy!



Skye Norris, a content curator and writer for FinerMinds (, writes, “If you’re having a bad day, hearing words of positivity can sometimes be the last thing in the world you want. But this is different. The incredible Shane Koyczan is here with an absolutely beautiful reminder for when things get tough, and hope eludes us.”

“Instructions for a Bad Day”

Finally, I saw this commercial recently and felt compelled to share. The song, “Brave” by Sara Bareilles, is worthy in and of itself. However, it is made more powerful with these images!


Until next time,

Safe Space Life Coaching

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