How Imagination Saved My Life
The headline is a bit dramatic, but at 16, drama was a way of life for most of us. Boys or Girls or both. School. Tests. Clubs. Sports. We had it all coming at us. I had a fairly idealistic childhood. Yes, I was in a one-parent household. That bit was hard because I had to choose someone to take me to the Dad-n-Daughter things. I typically just didn't go. My own father had died when I was ten. In fact, yesterday was the 50th anniversary of his death. It was also my 60th birthday.
At 16, I was just your random teenager. I had friends (one of them is STILL my friend.) I was in a high school sorority (we did charity work and the sisterhood was amazing. DBS!) I was in the band. I excelled at all of my classes except math (I read in math class until I was caught. Mrs.Math Teacher moved me away from the luscious bookshelves and up to the front. I think she was a bit annoyed that I was scraping by in math because I preferred words to numbers. I had a boyfriend. I mean...what did I have to be upset about?
It's hard when you are an emotional person. I mean..an outwardly emotional person. Most people didn't understand me (or I felt they didn't.) My mother was absent a lot as she had a beau but he lived in Mississippi--or so we thought. That's a story for another time.
I was depressed. I was anxious. I was faking my way through life. Or that's how I felt. I often thought about what it would be like if I simply wasn't there. One of my tricks to get me through those heavy, weigh-you-down, days was to imagine what my life would be like.
Typical of most girls that age, my dream life included one husband (standard issue), 4-6 kids (all perfect darlings), and a house (2-story, white, with a balcony.) Oh, and I was going to teach English and History to high schoolers. Ummmm, well?? That didn't turn out at all. And, for the most part, I'm okay with that. Although not being able to have children was very difficult to accept.
But dreaming those dreams gave me something to look forward to so I would stop imagining myself pulling a Virginia Woolf in the bayou. Later, my imaginings were about how awful it would be to my family if I left this world.
Let me be clear, <<First Name>>. I NEVER attempted nor made plans to end my life. I just thought it would be a relief not to be alive. I am so very glad I didn't ever get serious about suicide.
Having hit my 60th turn around the sun, I am delighted to be here. I still have my bad days. Depression and anxiety are still my companions. Joy seeking is my counterattack to that. If you haven't heard the woeful tale of why I chose to become a Professional Joy Seeker, let me know. I'll share that in another newsletter.
Anywho! Part of my joy is you, dear reader. So thank you for all that you bring to my world.
Here is a blog that brings me joy. I look forward to it every day and am a frequent commenter. It's nature and education and birds from a retired school teacher in Utah.
Things coming up that you might be interested in:
I'll be teaching an online class for Soultopia in Dallas.
How do you read Oracle cards? Do you have to have a book? What about the decks that have no book...no keywords? WHAT WERE THEY THINKING? Let’s take a spin through reading oracles. Learn to trust your gut.
I'd love to see you there! I will be doing a few readings if there is enough time. I would also appreciate it if you would alert your friends.
When: Saturday March 20, 2021
Time: 4:00 pm - 6:00 pm
Reminder! April 5th will be my next open Reading Room. You can still get a seat if you like. I'll do a reading just for you. Seats are $27.00. Just so you know, the Wands level is $21 a month. So if you are my patron, your seat is free.
Jamie Sawyer's latest deck is coming to Kickstarter. Sign up to be alerted so you don't miss out on the Early Bird specials. AND? I'm offering a free reading to anyone on my newsletter list who purchases the deck.
Buy five decks to save 10%.
Buy seven decks to save 15%.
Buy ten or more decks to save 20%.
- Go to the sale list
- Put your initials beside the deck you want
- Email me at email@example.com (email is linked at the top of that page)
- I will calculate the price and shipping/handling
- I will invoice you once you have confirmed that you want the decks.
Seek joy, y'all. I love you.
Pass it on!