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Marriage
In the Western World Is Everyone Ultimately in an Arranged Marriage?
WHEN I GOT MARRIED, MY NEW HUSBAND'S FAMILY ARRIVED QUICKLY TO NEW YORK QUITE DISTURBED ABOUT THE FACT THAT A GIRL HAD BEEN CHOSEN FOR HIM IN IRAN AND THAT HE HAD MADE A BIG MISTAKE IN MARRYING A PERSON NOT CHOSEN BY THE FAMILY. I WAS OFFERED MONEY AND CARS TO END THE MARRIAGE BUT ULTIMATELY I LEFT THE CHOICE TO MY NEW HUSBAND.

IN TIME, THEY ACQUIRED A TASTE FOR ME AND IT WAS MUCH EASIER. HOWEVER, IT WAS THE FIRST TIME I UNDERSTOOD THE BELIEF SYSTEM REGARDING WHY AND HOW THE ARRANGED WORKS. TIME AND MY LIFE EXPERIENCES TAUGHT ME THAT.

IT REALLY IS NOT THAT MUCH DIFFERENT FROM MANY WESTERN PARTNERSHIPS. MANY PEOPLE ARE INTRODUCED BY FRIENDS AND FAMILY. IN FACT, MY BEST FRIEND IAN SCHRAGER INTRODUCED ME TO A WONDERFUL MAN WHOM I NEVER WOULD HAVE THOUGHT WOULD BE A GOOD FIT FOR ME, BUT SINCE IAN HAS KNOWN US BOTH FOR A LONG TIME, HE FELT THERE WAS A PERFECT FIT. WE BOTH AGREE ON THIS, AND IT MAKES ANY MATCHMAKING FIRM LESS A RIVAL WHEN SOMEONE WHO CARES AND HAS GREAT INSIGHT ABOUT TWO PEOPLE MAKES THE INTRODUCTION.

SO THAT IS ONE TYPE OF ARRANGEMENT.

THEN THERE IS THE OTHER WHERE TWO PEOPLE GET TOGETHER MAYBE IN AN UNLIKELY MATCH OF AGE DIFFERENCE AND OF LIFESTYLE BUT EACH BRING SOMETHING TO THE PARTNERSHIP. ON THE SURFACE, IT LOOKS UNLIKELY TO SUCCEED, BUT IN ACTUAL FACT, WHAT EACH BRINGS TO THE PARTNERSHIP FULFILLS THE OTHER'S NEEDS. THIS IS QUITE COMMON.

THEN THERE IS THE NEED FOR WOMEN TO ACT FAST ON THE BIOLOGICAL CLOCK. THERE NEEDS TO BE THE MATE TO FULFILL THE DESIRE TO HAVE CHILDREN AND FULFILL THE TYPICAL CONCEPT OF THE AMERICAN DREAM. THE CHILDREN CLEARLY CREATE THE BOND AND GLUE FOR THIS MARRIAGE OVER A PERIOD OF TIME, AND THAT ARRANGEMENT HAS A DEFINITE GOAL.

SO WE ARE ALL IN FACT IN SOME SORT OF ARRANGED MARRIAGE OR PARTNERSHIP. THE DIFFERENCE IN THE CULTURES THAT PRACTICE ARRANGED MARRIAGES IS THAT IT IS SET IN PLACE FOR LIFE AND EACH PARTY KNOWS AND UNDERSTANDS THAT THE OPTION OF DIVORCE OR SEPARATION IS NOT A CONSIDERATION. WHEN THIS IS UNDERSTOOD FROM THE BEGINNING, ADJUSTMENTS AND ACCOMMODATIONS ARE MADE. ANY EXPECTATIONS BEYOND THAT ESPECIALLY WHEN IT COMES TO THE IRRESISTIBLE ADRENALINE RUSH OF ROMANCE THERE ARE UNDERSTANDINGS IN PLACE AND THE FAMILY CORE STAYS TOGETHER.

I AM NOT SURE WHAT THE TAKE AWAY IS HERE, BUT RATHER THAN SEEING THE DIFFERENCES… WE ARE ALL IN FACT IN SOME SORT OF ARRANGEMENT. A GOOD QUESTION: CAN CONTRACTUAL MARRIAGES WITH RENEWALS BE FAR BEHIND? JUST THINKING OUT LOUD…


 

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