Wait, did that sound bad?
Guys, we need to talk.
I see so many folks coming in with low back and/or sciatic pain, and so much of it can be traced directly to your wallet.  Not the fact that you have one, but where you choose to carry it.

See, there's a muscle in your tush called the piriformis.  It runs from your sacrum (the bone above your tailbone) to the big sticky-out part of the femur (known as the greater trochanter to us anatomy geeks).  The sciatic nerve, in 85% or so of the population, runs underneath the piriformis.


So when you wear your wallet in your back pocket, it puts pressure on the piriformis.  When that muscle gets tight, it can press on the sciatic nerve, leaving you with all sorts of fun pain down the leg.  In addition, it tilts your hips not only forwards but sideways, and then the spine winds up compensating in order to keep the eyes level with the horizon.  Hello, back pain.

After much research
For a long time, I recommended cargo pants.  I talked with multiple designers and begged for a fashionable man-purse.  While they all agreed that wallets in trousers or pants completely ruined the line of said clothing, none could come up with a suitable accessory as a substitute.

And then I hit on it.  The Scots had already figured it out:  the sporran.

As you can see, the sporran is essentially a waist-slung man-purse.  It's part of traditional Scottish dress, because kilts have no pockets.  Often made with fur or tassels (manly tassels, mind you!), the amount of decoration reflects the formality level of the dress.

There's only one potential downside:  sporrans look ridiculous when worn with anything other than a kilt.
But you know what this means, right?  More kilts for everyone!

Talk about a win-win situation
It's no secret:  everyone loves a kilt.  If you decide that you'd prefer something a little less traditional, or can't get beyond the man-purse idea, there are several options out there, like the Utilikilt (my personal favorite!) or the designs from Kilt This. (They even come in leather!  Be still, my beating heart!)

Besides, if James Bond is man enough to wear a kilt, so are you. (That goes for the ladies, too!)

Speaking of ladies, "the Ladies from Hell" was a nickname given by the Germans in World War I to the kilted regiments of the British army.  The Germans used this as an insult, but true to form, the Scots took it and ran with it, taking the term as a compliment.  And, really, who can blame them?  I don't think anyone involved in trench warfare qualified as a wuss.

So, gentlemen, none of this "I'm a sissy if I wear a skirt."  First off, kilts are not skirts.  Secondly, everybody crazy 'bout a kilt-dressed man.  Third, this way none of you will wind up in my office with piriformis entrapment syndrome or wind up with your wives carrying your wallets in their purses (which is a whole 'nother devil I'll address down the road).

One hint:  if you decide to go regimental, I hear cornstarch helps prevent chafing.

Ladies (and some of the gentlemen), you're welcome.
Don't say I never did nothin' for ya.  But beware:  if you decide you'd like to be a kilt inspector, always ask permission first.

Be well, and I hope to see you soon.

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