The Chronicle has really turned into the AccuWeather forecast center in preparation for Hurricane Florence this week, folks. Greg Fishel who? When I was a kid, sometimes Greg Fishel would come to our school and talk about the weather in a school-wide assembly. They gave us paper masks with his face on them. Does anyone else remember that? Anyway! We don’t have class today or tomorrow, and neither does NC State or UNC. UNC got an extra day off, [insert cheap joke about UNC not going to class here].
Let Me Be Your Dad
Everyone’s dad is worried about them, including our state dad, Roy Cooper, and as your new dad, I can tell you that you should probably go ahead and run to the store and get some bread and water, except it’s already all gone. Maybe bake some? My Granna has shared multiple vaguely threatening articles and videos about the danger of hurricanes in the hopes that it strikes fear in my heart and convince me to go home to rural N.C., which, no thanks. Also, Peaches the cat will be fine, so will the lemurs, and so will your car, for all those who worried… the homeless, incarcerated and impoverished human populations of rural and coastal North Carolina, probably less so, but priorities, I guess!
And Now, The Reason Everyone Came To Duke…
The fact that it was the highest-ranking university on the U.S. News and World Report Rankings we could get into. We’re eighth this year! If some of you prep-school graduates want to lord a ranking over your classmates who got into the actual Ivy League, you or your mother could share this next one on Facebook. Duke is tied for FIRST with Harvard and Yale for “student outcomes” according to The Wall Street Journal. This ranking is definitely NOT at all correlated with already being rich. I look forward to making my own contribution to this ranking in a year; you can find me living with six roommates and working 3 part-time entry-level jobs.
I Bet Duke’s Lawyers are Doing Pretty Well for Themselves
Whoops! Duke’s getting sued again. This one isn’t about allegedly mishandling retirement funds or allegedly mishandling the student conduct process, but rather about allegedly discriminating against an employee with a disability. It’s good to switch it up sometimes!