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THE CHRONICLE
April 4th, 2019

Did you hear…the nearest C1 is in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean,  Nugget the dog ATE Peaches the cat, and The Chronicle is being renamed The Chomicle AND is being kicked off campus. Justttttttt kidding. 

Maybe Now Students Will Graduate Knowing What A Stock Is
And maybe a tax. And MAYBE even an investment. This is all thanks to Duke’s new grading policy for Econ 101, which will be pass/fail rather than A-F letter grades. Duke’s goal in doing so is to make the course and the major more welcoming to students, many of whom are scared off by the C that would show up on their transcript post learning about supply and demand. This change comes after an initiative by Dean Ashby to enhance undergraduate learning, starting with making introductory courses more appealing to students. Yep, we think we’d prefer a P rather than a C on our first-year transcript. Investment. Bond. Hedge fund. Bank. See, we’re learning so many new terms already! 


We Swear This Is the Last Time You’ll Hear About
After all the drama, GoTriangle came to a unanimous decision to stop pursuing the Durham-Orange Light Rail Transit Project. Since the project faced a $275 million budget and two of many partners, Duke and North Carolina Railroad, both said ‘Hmm…nope,’ the company ultimately didn’t have a choice. VP of public affairs Michael Schoenfeld assured that Duke is willing to work with GoTriangle in the future and understands the need for a comprehensive and sustainable regional transit solution.

Will The Acceptance Rate Ever Not Be A ‘Record-Low’?!
Let’s face it, by the time we have kids, it’s gonna find a way to be in the negatives. This year, the regular decision acceptance rate was 5.7%, the lowest it’s ever been. 41,600 applicants applied for admission overall, exceeding last year’s record number of applicants, which was 37,302. Yep, it went up 4,300 in a year. Also yep, our kids are screwed. Early decision acceptance rate was also at a record low with only 882 high school seniors admitted out of a record-high 4,852 applicants. Dang, Duke.
RJ and Zion? All-American??? I’m SHOCKED
The most obvious statement of 2019: RJ Barrett and Zion Williamson were tabbed first-team All-Americans by AP voters. Obvious as it is, this is only the second time in history that two freshmen from the same team were named to the first team together. Zion’s vote was unanimous, with 64 votes, but I think we could have predicted that one, too….I mean…just look at this dunk. He may as well have snapped off the Brodie Gym basket. 
 
Hip Hip, Battier! 
One of Duke’s all-time greats just became the fourth Blue Devil player to earn the highest honor in college basketball. Welcome to the Hall of Fame’s 2019 Class, Shane Battier. Battier is no stranger to W’s like this one, given he led Duke to the natty champ as a senior in 2001. He’s been named the National Player of the Year once and the National Defensive Player of the Year three. Straight. Times. The heat never ended (haha), with Battier playing in the NBA for 13 years, featuring two championship rings with the Miami Heat. He is now the director of basketball analytics and development for the Heat. His No. 31 jersey hangs in the rafters of Cameron Indoor…no touchy.

 
Augusta Greens Gets Girls
72 of the top women’s amateur golf players around the world are rolling up to Augusta, GA for the inaugural Augusta National Women’s Amateur. Of that 72, 5 will be Dukies! This is big time for these ladies, given that this is the first women’s tournament ever held at Augusta National Golf Club. Virginia Carta, Ana Belac, Jaravee Boonchant, Gina Kim, and incoming recruit Erica Shepard will all be showcasing their talents in Augusta this week. On Wednesday and Thursday, the golfers will all compete in 2 rounds at the nearby Champions Retreat Golf Club in order to narrow down the playing field to 30, who will get to play at Augusta National. Sheeeesh, harsh cuts. 
$100,000,000. Count Those 0’s Baby
$100 million! Okay, we lied it’s actually more: $102.4 million, and it’s all going to the expansion of Duke Regional Hospital, projected to open by the spring of 2021. The investment from the University will increase the number of private rooms in the emergency and Clinical Decisions Unit, add a new 42-bed inpatient behavioral health unit with all private rooms, a behavioral health emergency department of 18 private rooms, and 11 more outpatient behavioral health clinic rooms. So, yes, all you need to do is break something so you end up in the emergency department and you’ll find yourself in a lovely private room. Although I don’t know how much you’re really craving a pudding cup delivered to your bed. But wait, the expansions don’t stop there. There will also be a new exercise room, outdoor courtyards, natural light, more group therapy space and “other accommodations that enhance the patient experience.” Leave it to Duke to make the most luxury hospital of all time.

ID Us, We Dare You!
Notttttt because we’re newly 21, but because Duke is making us new fancy shmancy IDs that function as a government-approved ID for voting in North Carolina. Last year, the state approved a constitutional amendment to require photo ID for future elections, which makes voting difficult for students without a government issued ID. Now, all students have to do is agree to get their identity verified according to the law (let’s hope that Facebook post from 2011 doesn’t show up on the background check, eh?) and have their photo taken by the University, and then they’ll received a Duke Voter ID card. Pretttyyyy nifty.
 
Part-Time Prez
After two unnamed candidates for DSG president tied, sophomore Aly Diaz was named DSG President Pro Tempore by junior Saheel Chodavadia, VP of Academic Affairs. It appears DSG has never had to deal with a tie and do not have any tie-breaking procedures, so Chodavadia took matters into his own hands. DSG debated enacting an instant-runoff or ranked-choice voting and re-running the election, but then ultimately decided, ‘Nah, Saheel can pick.’ Diaz also already serves as the senator of Durham and regional affairs, and is currently helping organize a series of events leading up to Durham’s 150thanniversary. 150 years of Bull City baby!!!!
Cool off in this HEAT with some Mike & Dave's
  1. DSig KA Friday Night Lights: Come out to the West Campus Turf Fields to cheer on KA and DSig as they battle for flag football supremacy in the name of The Mik Foundations annual scholarship to help deserving Durham high school students pay for college.
  2. Puppies for Parkinson’s: Next Thursday, come out to Abele Quad on West to hang out with puppies and eat pizza, pastries, and popsicles to raise money for Parkinson’s Research! 
  3. CPM 24-Hour Name Reading Ceremony for Victims of Genocide: April 14th, Duke’s Coalition for Preserving Memory and 200+ Duke members will be remembering the victims of the seven unrecognized genocides by reading their names for 24 hours straight. Sign up to read here to support the cause.
  4. Duke DEMAN Happy Hour: At the Devil’s Krafthouse, next Friday to meet creative alumi who could help you land a job in media AND to eat guac. What could be better.
  5. E-Ball 2019: April 12this the E-Ball! The theme this year is Met Ball, and the event will take place at the Durham, Museum of Life and Sciences. Check out the info on tickets here
  6. Bad Roads: Duke Theater Studies' spring mainstage production. This is a powerful play that explores what it's like to be a woman in wartime, specifically in the Ukraine. Shows span from Thursday, April 4  to Sunday April 14 at the Sheafer Theater. 

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