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THE CHRONICLE
September 6, 2018

Carr Crash
Students, faculty and workers came out last night for a rally against the name of Carr Building and white supremacy at Duke. The rally was organized by Duke People’s State of the University, who you may remember from such hits as “interrupting President Price” and “writing a super long manifesto about how messed up it is here.” They’re back, and it looks like they’re kind of gaining some momentum here.

Working at Marketplace? Possibly Even Worse Than You Imagined
Okay, well, even worse than I imagined. In addition to the Herculean task of having to cater to the whims of a bunch of incredibly clueless rich kids away from home for the first time, Marketplace workers in the summer don’t actually get enough hours to pay their bills. An extremely normal economic system we have here!

Just What We Need! Another Way To Avoid People We Don’t Like
Is attending an elite university not enough for you people? We know Duke has fraternities, sororities and SLGs, all so that you may more easily avoid having to spend time with people different from you. But in case none of that is enough to avoid the pain and horror of having to exist as a person without your identity being defined by an exclusive group you managed to convince you’re normal, students are trying to form the first selective social group… but DSG wasn’t 100 percent sold this time. Check back in two weeks. In the meantime, I’ll be practicing my smile, handshake and binge-drinking skills to get ready for SSG rush!



Let’s Fix Racism!
A group of scholars at Duke participated in a panel this week to do exactly that. The possible solution? Reparations! Okay, well, it’s probably more complicated, as most things are, but shouldn’t we maybe, um, at least try something other than pretending everything's fine? So the argument goes. 

Who’s Ready for some FOOTBAAAAW!
Duke Football won their first game of the season on Friday, and apparently in doing so they looked “complete,” looked “solid,” “did a great job,” “became dominant physically,” and “created chaos.” Coincidentally, these are also the things I say to myself aloud in the mirror in the bathroom at Shooters after a long night. Anyway, they’re playing Northwestern next week!
 

Andie, Indeed
Volleyball’s Andie Shelton is apparently crushing it. She had TWO triple-doubles in one week and earned ACC player of the week off 4 straight wins for Duke. Apparently there hasn’t been a triple-double from a Duke volleyball player since 2006. Turns out, a triple-double is when you get over 10 (double digits) as a score in at least 3 categories of a game. Somebody hire me as a gym teacher, honestly.

Hug a Field Hockey Player (If You Both Want)
The field hockey team lost for the first time all season against Maryland over the weekend, which, in what I’m told is a tragic twist of fate, is the team that knocked them out of the NCAA tournament last year. The field hockey team is apparently very good and is ranked 3rd this year. Their next game will be Friday, against Princeton!


 



Get A Load Of These Guys
These LEMURS! Look at their tiny ears! Over the summer, triplet gray mouse lemurs were born, and one of them is named Pumpernickel! Grey mouse lemurs are some of the smallest lemurs in the world, and will weigh no more than 3 ounces fully grown. According to the Lemur Center, the kids are alright!

“Sorry, I’m Straight”
A sentence I have never said, but an important one nonetheless in this context, which is that a columnist of ours, Luke Sallmen, wrote about being groped by another guy at Shooters, which is terrible, to put it mildly! It’s almost like some people think their own pleasure is more important than the comfort of others, and operate as though that’s true!

  1. Jaki Shelton Green Poetry Reading: Green is N.C.’s very own poet laureate, and she’s reading at the Regulator on 9th Street today at 7!
  2. Salsa on the Steps: Sabrosura will be salsa dancing on the steps of the Chapel (plus providing free food and drinks,) and they want to teach you too!
  3. Sue Klebold: whose name may ring a bell because her son, Dylan Klebold, was one of the two shooters at Columbine, will be advocating for mental health awareness and talking about loss. Also, they’re having free Chik-Fil-A, which seems like kind of a weird mix of tones but interesting nonetheless. That’s tomorrow at 5:45 in Reynolds.
  4. Love, Simon: The teen coming out movie will be playing at 7 and 10 pm Friday and Saturday night in Griffith, courtesy of DUU!
  5. The Art + Tech Fair: The Rubenstein Arts Center will be from 6:30-8:30 next Wednesday the 12th. Try your hand at 3D printing, something called “microcontrollers,” and more at the event!
  6. SYNTHBALL Demonstration: Join some Duke grad students who will be showing off their new creation: a real-time gestural controller for audio-visual software. Part of Ruby Fridays at Rubenstein Arts Center. 12 to 1. 
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