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THE CHRONICLE
September 5th, 2019

“I am a psychiatrist in Durham, and have worked in proximity to Duke for over 30 years.  During that time, I have treated numerous Duke students who were sexually assaulted, many by other Duke students.”
– Mindy Oshrain, on Duke’s sexual assault problem.
 

What’s Durham’s Biggest Weakness?
Coordination. And it shows. Since electronic scooters like Bird and Lime made their appearance in Durham in June, a bunch of people have flown off their scooters on Duke’s campus and suffered head injuries. One person even broke their leg…yikes. We’d recommend that person come up with a fake explanation for the boot and crutches they’ll be sporting for the new few months. Even though none of the so-far-reported injuries have been from Duke students, Duke has put a few rules in place to try to avoid disasters like these. Riders are required to walk their scooters through certain populated areas on campus like the East Campus Quad and the BC Plaza and are banned from bringing them onto busses and into the Duke Gardens. And no, you can’t break these new rules, even if you want to, since all Spin and Bird scooters have been programmed to be un-ridable in banned areas and to only accelerate to a walking speed in the highly populated areas on campus. We also wouldn’t recommend trying to scooter home from Shooters or Devines. ‘Cause….ya know.


Duke and The Deathly Hollows (Part 1)
And by deathly, we mean deathly chaotic. Apparently, the new Hollows Quad made move-in on West Campus this year even more of a nightmare than it usually is. The reason why? Hmm…let’s think about the overall most inconvenient aspect of Duke. Ah, yes. PARKING. Finding parking during move-in week on West Campus is already difficult, and with the addition of 700 more students than usual moving into the new quad this year, Duke was forced to cough up between $25,000 and $35,000 to pay for increased staffing from Parking and Transportation Services. The move-in went smoothly enough every day except for Friday, the busiest day, when cars were backed up for almost the entire morning. People were not pleased. Admins are looking to cook up a new strategy for next year’s move in to make things move more smoothly. If they’re looking for strategies to make life in general move more smoothly, we’d love to suggest building 90000 new parking lots.

Biostat Is Back, Baby! 
We know, just the news you’ve been DYING to hear. But it’s about time we got our biostatistics and bioinformatics department back on track after the dramaaaaa last year. Remember? The racially insensitive blast email from then-Director of Graduate Students Megan Neely? Yeah…you remember, most likely because screen shots of the emails went viral nationally, bringing some serious heat to the department, followed by Neely and Department Chair Elizabeth DeLong's resignations. Well, there’s a new department chair in town, and his name is David Page. Page commended the University’s swift action following the email catastrophe, stating his confidence in Duke’s commitment to creating an inclusive community. According to Page, the department faculty and staff have already undergone various diversity trainings and will continue their efforts in the future. We’re on the same page, Page.

The Global Ed Fair is on Tuesday!
Come check out what study abroad programs Duke has to offer. The fair is at Penn Pavilion from 11am - 2pm. A guide to this year's fair can be found at www.dukeglobaledfair.com
Duke x NFL
The best collab in existence. We’ve got the rundown of the top former Blue Devil players to look out for in the 2019-20 NFL season. First, of course, we have Daniel Jones, QB for the New York Giants. Jones was the sixth pick in the draft, making him the first Duke player picked in the top ten since 1987. Also, keep your eye out for Jamison Crowder, WR for the New York Jets. Though his 2018 season with the Redskins wasn’t exactly great, playing only 9 games, things started looking better for him during the first three preseason games with the Jets, where he had three receptions totaling 39 yards AND a touchdown. Another VIP: Joe Giles-Harris, LB for the Jacksonville Jaguars. Giles-Harris signed with Jacksonville as a free agent in 2019 and then crushed it at camp—enough so to play in all 4 preseason games and ultimately to get his name on the final roster. Read about more Blue Devil champs to lookout for this NFL season here.
 
NC A&T, We’re Comin’ For Ya
Though Duke usually plays NC Central in September, this year the Eagles will be replaced with the North Carolina A&T Aggies. Don’t sleep on the Aggies— they’ve built themselves quite a program over the last five years, winning either a share of or the entire conference title in four of the last five seasons. After facing some seriously tough defense against ‘Bama, the Blue Devils are gonna have to step it up for the Aggies, who have only surrendered 14.2 points per contest in 2018. But we’re not worried…they should be!
 
Fhock Yeah! 
The Duke field hockey team started their 2019 season on a high note, beating No. 9 Penn State 4-1 on Friday and No. 25 William & Mary on 4-0 on Saturday. Seeeeee ya! No. 3 Duke is taking on both No. 15 Northwestern and No.2 Maryland this weekend as they continue their campaign in the Big 10/ACC Challenge. Fhock them up, Blue Devils! 
Safe Sex and Pay Checks
Literally. During the first meeting of the semester, DSG granted $193 to a new sexual health initiative that will place 400 birth control flyers in dorm bathrooms around campus. The flyers are intended to inform students about different birth control options on campus and how to get them. DSG Senator Nehal Jain created them in partnership with many groups on campus after recognizing that so many students had no idea they could go to student health to get birth control. Orrrr you could always follow Coach Carr’s advice: 


Five Super Easy Classes to Switch into Before Friday
Juuuuust kidding, but we got your attention, didn’t we? We do have a list of classes for you, and though we can’t promise they’re easy A’s, they’re some of the most interesting (in our humble opinion) classes being offered this semester. First there’s “Religion, Restrictions, and Violence,” focusing on the continuous history of religious violence in Islam, Christianity, and Judaism. There’s also “What Now? Discovering the Tree of Life,” which examines DNA to study how closely related certain species are. You should also check out “Death and Dying” where students will study rainbows and unicorns. Kidding. In “Death and Dying,” students will learn about the “biomedical, economic, social and psychological issues surrounding death and dying in the twenty-first century in America,” while volunteering at retirement and medical sites. Check out the rest of the classes that piqued our interest here and then log onto your DukeHub bookbag ASAP!
Pizzeria Toro. 'Nough Said.
  1. Duke’s DEMAN & Donuts: Come see Duke grad Adina Kagan ’89, Head of Media & Insights at CHANEL, for an informal chat about her career TOMORROW in West Union! There will be Monuts! 2:30pm – 4pm. Be there.
  2. Me Too Monologues Coffeehouse Show: Come to the Duke Coffeehouse next Friday to watch a few monologues and learn what Me Too is all about! 
  3. Raleigh Greek Festival: This whole weekend at the Jim Graham Building at the NC State Fairgrounds, Raleigh's going Greek! Come out for food, music, shopping, and more.
  4. Date Night with Data: Come network with data analytics and data science companies to meet with employers, share your resume, and learn about job opportunities. 
  5. Brazilian Day NC Festival: Come out to Durham Central Park this Saturday for a festival celebrating Brazilian arts, music, and culture. There will be lots of food, drinks, games, and more!
  6. Diamantino (2019): Arts of the Moving Image is screening this popular comedy on Friday at 7pm at the Film Theater in the Rubenstein Arts Center. 

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