Dreaming (Of A Political System That Is Not Like The One We Have Now):
The Deferred Action for Childhood Arrivals program, which protects undocumented people in the U.S. who were brought here as kids, was rescinded by Trump a year ago. There are of course some undocumented students who go to Duke, so we talked to them. Right now, their status is in limbo, with the case of DACA likely to be decided by the Supreme Court, which…yeah. Kind of puts your consulting recruitment woes in perspective for the five minutes you’ll spend thinking about this before composing the fourth Fix My Campus post about having to move to a different seat in West Union to find an electrical outlet this week!
I’m Sorry, He Took What Out of Where?:
A member of the University’s illustrious board of trustees says he will repay all the taxes he evaded by… temporarily removing all the toilets from his home so that it would be classified as uninhabitable. Actually, I’m sorry, this was in just ONE of his homes, because of course he has multiple homes. Also, he’s running for governor of Illinois, because of course he is. Definitely not in the top 10 sexiest ways to commit fraud, but he almost got away with it if it wasn’t for you meddling inspector generals of Illinois!
We Just Want To Be Where The People Are:
Speaking of our illustrious trustees! No one knows what the hell is going on with them, but they’re apparently working on it. NOT by opening their meetings to the public, or like, journalists, but you know what, they’re, I guess, trying. Apparently the changes are because they realize people are “left to imagine” what happens in meetings since they’re currently closed. What do you imagine goes on in a BoT meeting, after the part where they sacrifice an unsuspecting serf to the (blue) devil?
Please Just Give Me Some Money:
I just finished participating in a study where I had to smoke a different cigarette out of a tube at 9 a.m. every week for two months to pay for textbooks, so please congratulate me on that achievement if you see me. Anyway, the University’s endowment is now worth $8.5 billion, which is the most it’s ever been worth. Please just give me some money. And yes, I know that most of the money has to stay in the endowment in order for it to grow and make MORE money. I know. Also, I wanted to put a cheap joke about “endowment” somewhere in here, but then I remember my grandma subscribes to The Dirt, and hopefully yours does too. Also, grandma, don’t send me any money, I’m totally fine!! And I don’t smoke anymore and actually have never smoked in my whole life!! Haha!! Love you!!