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THE CHRONICLE
October 11, 2018

The Dirt Would Like To Take Credit For This:
Just kidding, I know as well as you know that all of this is meaningless. But anyway, some good news is that the changes that were going to make housekeeping at Duke more difficult, unpleasant and undervalued have been scrapped. Stay tuned for the next change that will make working at Duke harder, because I am sure there will be one!

It’s Almost Like The Climate Is Changing:
Another week, another hurricane. Wait what? Yep, your rain boots may not have dried out yet, but it’s time to put them back on. Hurricane Michael has already destroyed the panhandle of Florida, and it’s coming our way, but won’t apparently be as bad as Florence. I just saw a guy walking through campus with a giant umbrella, which is appropriate, but he was wearing leather loafers without socks. We love to suffer for fashion, I guess. Anyway, a very normal and good climate we have here! I think the fact that we’re using paper straws in West Union will really make a dent, though.

Maybe We Should Just, I Don’t Know, Change It:
Turns out, the history department is not a huge fan of the name of the Carr building. Remember that white supremacist? Sure you do, because his name is still etched into the stone of the history building on campus. Well, 140 professors have publicly said they think the name should be changed and signed a letter to that effect this week. Let’s see what the Board of Trustees, a group of people who have profited from the exploitation of others, have to say about it some time this year. Or maybe next. Maybe we need another committee?

I just Love Buildings. Love to Build One Someday:
Did someone say CONSTRUCTION? If there’s one thing we here at Duke love, it’s a construction project. Duke is building two more new dorms “as soon as we can”! Wow! My personal theory is that men who idolized construction work as little kids have never really moved beyond it, and as soon as they get themselves to a position of power, make it their number one priority to build new buildings of dubious value. I personally am mourning the loss of Central Campus, a place where I spent two years in pleasant, near-total isolation. 

STOP PANICKING:
Remember how I told you not to panic about Duke basketball not having any new recruits yet? Well, I was right, because they have their first recruit of the season! I’m adding “sports analyst” right next to “very calm and soothing writer’ on my LinkedIn. Anyway, his name is Wendell Moore, he’s from Kentucky, and he’s very tall! According to one commenter who does not have a Facebook profile picture, this is “Great news!!” I trust him!

Crossing the Country, Okay Actually Just a County Border, for Cross Country:
They won! Duke’s cross county team got first place at their race in Cary over the weekend. I also think they deserve a gold medal for having to visit Cary. One of their runners, Dalton Randall who suffered a foot injury last year, apparently “displayed incredible mental toughness” in recovering from it and won 2nd place individually at the race. I, too, displayed incredible mental toughness this morning in that I opted for a vegan spice loaf rather than an entire chocolate croissant.

WTEN
When I asked the sports editor what I should write for the last part of the sports section (that’s right folks, I get help with this part and it’s still This Bad) he told me that a “WTEN player” won something. Literally when I tell you that it took me eight minutes to figure out what he was talking about, I am not exaggerating. Anyway, once I figured it out, I read this article. Maria Mateas is in the All-American championship for women’s tennis, or as we sports writers call it, WTEN. She ended up getting knocked out, and her coach said ““I was impressed with how she handled her emotions,” which has literally never been said of me. This is only her first year of college! Great job, Maria!

I Personally Feel Blessed By This Photo Essay:
I have looked at these photos of people’s pets at the Blessing of the Animals over the weekend possibly every day this week. It’s been a rough one! Look at that kitten. Her name is Monsoon. Wait, that reminds me of climate change again. There’s no escape. But look at this cat. Everything will be fine.



I Don’t Have A Joke For This One Because It’s An Obituary and I Have Decency:
Dr. Brenda Armstrong, an activist and pediatric cardiologist, has died. Dr. Armstrong was one of the students who sat in the 1969 Allen Building takeover. You should read about her life here

La Vita Bella:
Everyone has their preferred coffee shop at Duke. (Rest in peace, Joe Van Gogh.) If you’re, like, a little artsy but feel too intimidated by The Coffeehouse the since you don’t have a band or a WXDU DJ shift, Bella Union is probably your place. We wrote about its history this week. One time one of the owners of Bella Union told me i should listen to his band because they have a song named after me, and he was right. Thanks, Bella Union guy.

  1. The N.C. State Fair: Opens tomorrow and goes until October 21! I’m so excited! You should go look at some nice cows and get some funnel cake. It will be good for you.
  2. Fall Contra Dancing: Duke Campus farm is gonna have live music and dancing this Friday at 7! That’s so cute!
  3. Isle of Dogs Free Screenings: DUU Freewater is showing Wes Anderson’s latest on Friday and Saturday night at 7 and 10 pm!
  4. Duke Oktoberfest: We’re apparently having our own Oktoberfest despite no one being of age from 5:30-7:30 outside of ABP. Free food, but probably not free beer!
  5. Isle of Dogs Free Screenings: DUU Freewater is showing Wes Anderson’s latest on Friday and Saturday night at 7 and 10 pm!
  6. One Hurricane Season: Tamika Galanis' exhibition centering around the representation and history of her native Bahamas kicks off tonight at the Kreps and Lyndhurst Galleries. Reception at 6 pm. 
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