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September 20, 2018

Do You Ever Just Miss a Deadline and then Sue Someone Else?
A guy is suing Duke because he didn’t take the LSAT and was thus not admitted to Duke’s law school. Fortunately, we’re in good company, since he’s also suing a bunch of other law schools, state bar associations, and Betsy DeVos. Okay, so not really good company, but we’re not alone. The would-be lawyer is requesting over $1,000,000 from each defendant, and also that he be admitted tuition-free. The complaint submitted to the courts is, for some reason, in memory of Eleanor Roosevelt. I’m sure she’d be thrilled.

Giving Your Green to Get You To Go Green

DSG supported a resolution to institute a 25-cent fee. “A FEE?” you may be screaming. “HASN’T THIS UNIVERSITY ALREADY TAKEN ENOUGH FROM ME?” Okay, maybe that’s just me yelling that, but anyway, the fee will be for taking to-go containers from food vendors. This fee does seem to penalize the socially awkward, who flee the dining hall to eat alone in like, the library or the, uh, Chronicle office, but generally seems like a good idea. No word yet on what they’ll do when people just start stealing and then throwing away the bowls from West Union, which I absolutely guarantee will happen because people here are the way that they are.

Turns Out, Hurricanes Are Bad and Not Just Fun
So, while y’all were on your hurricane vacations, the state kind of went to hell in a handbasket. Because of the hurricane. Governor Cooper, who I have previously referred to as our State Dad, addressed the state on Monday. The storm has killed people, roads are flooded out, more than 14,000 people had to evacuate their homes and 84,000 still don’t have power. Perhaps consider donating, oh, I don’t know, the cost of a plane ticket to New York toward relief efforts?

Let’s Go Girls
The women’s ACC basketball schedule for this season has been released! Their first home game will be against Louisville January 6! A fact about me is that I read this schedule and thought to myself, wow, these other teams are all on the East Coast and mostly in the South! Then someone told me, hey, ACC stands for Atlantic Coast Conference. Just an FYI in case you were also unaware.

Babbling with Brooke
The Chronicle did a profile of women’s soccer goalkeeper Brooke Heinsohn this week, and she seems like a sweet person with a charming family! She also is described as having “length” rather than “height”  in what appears to be a totally serious way, which made me laugh. It sounds like being a goalkeeper is a pretty intense way to live! The ACC women’s soccer season is just starting. Good luck, Brooke!

Boo Bears
They won! Chronicle sports writers went down to Texas this weekend to cover Duke’s football game against Baylor. Apparently they played well, and also Baylor did not play that well. Quentin Harris, a football player, apparently played a “complete game” and “took care of the ball.” I have a lot of questions about what both of those things look like, but they’ll never be answered since I refuse to watch even a single football game.


Literally, What Do You Want To Know?
Are you ever like, wow, WHY isn’t The Chronicle investigating [this pressing issue]? I know that sometimes you are because I get texts in the middle of the night from people I barely know asking me. I’m not even in charge! Now you can actually ask us questions in a way that’s likely to get answered, because we’re launching Chronquiry. Literally just type in your question about Duke and we’ll try to answer it if it’s, you know, a good question. We love healthy communication!

Holy Moly Cannoli!
That’s not my joke, it’s the name of a new cannoli food truck founded by two Duke alums who are also married. Aww! Recess sat down with one of them to talk about the fact that they’re both physician’s assistants, they have a new baby, and they’re trying to run this food truck. Yankees love cannolis, but I can’t fault them for it because cannolis are delicious.

  1. Me Too Monologues Coffeehouse Show: Today at 7, you should go see the Me Too Monologues!

  2. HOMECOMING: Homecoming is this weekend! They’re having a “party on the plaza” instead of like a dance but that’s okay it should still be fine!

  3. Guac & Talks: Come chat with creative students and alums tomorrow over guacamole at Devil's Krafthouse, 3 pm.

  4. Highways, Housing and Human Rights: Learn about Durham’s history and how they’ve led to the current affordable housing crisis next Tuesday at 6 pm!

  5. Ask the Dirt: Fall Career Fair edition: Next Wednesday from 10-3, go to the Career Fair! Experience job-related ennui with me!
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