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THE CHRONICLE
March 28th, 2019

“I always go to mass with my family, since I love them more than myself, and when I walk through the doors my heart beats with nervousness as I feel the judgment of the congregation and God on my shoulders. It’s the same feeling I get when I stare at our great chapel, an inescapable feeling of shame and isolation.” 

  - Nathan Heffernan, in his piece, Is Being Gay Compatible with Religion?

Oh (law)Shoot
Oh, shoot is right. Duke has to pay $112.5 million to the federal government in a settlement for a lawsuit accusing Duke of handling falsified data that was linked to $200 million in federal research grants. The lawsuit alleges that Duke used the falsified data to convince the government to hand over the grants and then covered up their tracks. According to the man behind the lawsuit, a former Duke researcher, Erin Potts-Kant, falsified data in research on mice’s lungs. In Prez Price’s email to the school last week about the scandal, he outlined new steps that Duke has taken to promote integrity in research at Duke. So, who should we make that Venmo out to? Federal-Government-1? Unfortunately, paying won’t be as easy as that, given that the amount due is over 12x Coach K’s salary. Yeah, that gets some heads turning. There’s enough cash in the central school of Medicine reserves, as their annual budget for this year is $2.7 billion. None of the money will come from tuition, donations, or externally sponsored funds, and no financial aid, education programs, or patient care services will be impacted. Potts, you are Kan(t)celled.

Aunt Becky, We’re on to You
After the national college admissions scandal that broke while we were on spring break, Duke is inspecting its last few year of admissions to make sure we didn’t fall into Aunt Becky’s trap, too. As of now, no Duke coaches or administrators have been named in the incident. President Price vowed that instead of “putting our hands over our ears and saying ‘la, la, la,’” Duke is carrying out a full investigation of the past 10 years of admissions. So far, the investigation team has made it through 4 years of applications and have not found anything fishy, such as, oh I don’t know, a fuzzy photoshopped picture of a girl’s face on an athlete’s body. So far, Duke has not been contacted by the FBI or been implicated in any way by the scandal. We were always bigger Uncle Jesse fans, anyway. 

 
Tacko ‘Bout a Win! 
If you weren’t in a room of people screaming and jumping in front of the TV screen on Sunday night, you weren’t watching the right game, when the Blue Devils narrowly avoided an upset to Central Florida. Everything was madness, namely Zion’s clutch and-one layup in the last minute of the game and Tacko, just as a human being. Though some fans grew worried for Duke’s prospects after the close game, Chron Sports Expert Derek Saul can quell any doubts of Duke’s eminent success, assuring his readers that Coach Dawkins’ game plan was only effective in slowing down Duke…not in tackling Duke. Duke will take on familiar foe Virginia Tech in the sweet sixteen.
 
Pro Day is Jo Day
Blue Devil QB Daniel Jones, who many experts are projecting to be a first-rounder, had jaws dropping at Duke’s Pro Day as he showed off for 31 of the 32 NFL teams in the Pascal Field House. Jones played alongside linebacker Joe Giles-Harris, wide receivers T.J. Ramming and Jonathan Lloyd, tight ends Daniel Helm and Davis Hoppenhaver, and offensive lineman Christian Harris. The event consisted of individual drills, scouts testing players individually, and then a throwing showcase, which is where Jones really shined, completing 61 of his 64 passes. With scouts lining both sides of the field, Jones showed off his arm strength and accuracy in the 10-to-20 yard range, completing his first 44 passes until one ball went a bit too high, ending his perfect streak. Let’s just say, people noticed. Check out this tweet from Troy Aikman post Pro day. 


What A Stunt by Stinson
Freshman Cooper Stinson, brother of Graeme Stinson, the current first-round pick in this summer’s MLB Draft, is following the family tradition. He led the Blue Devils to a 7-2 W against Davison, crushing the Wildcat’s winning streak. He allowed only one hit in seven shutout innings, striking out 10 batters and walking three. Head Coach Chris Pollard named Stinson’s performance that of a three-pitch pitcher, noting that he didn’t rely just on his big fastball, but also threw his slider and his split-finger. See ya, Cats.
And Now, Some Research That Actually Had a Positive Impact
Phew. Check out these two Duke students whose research on gerrymandering was cited orally and on paper in a recent Supreme Court case hearing, Rucho v. Common Cause. The two students, Luke Farrell and Jake Shulman, were part of a Bass Connections team who researched the mathematics behind drawing districts. Rucho v. Common Cause focuses on North Carolina partisan gerrymandering, with the plaintiff alleging the current system has produced districts favorable to Republicans. The team created a total of 25,000 maps to determine the political leanings of a state and establish whether each drawn map is likely partisan. They took a pass on their gerrymandering class (ha) this past Monday to travel to DC to listen in on the case they contributed to, hearing their work being used in an argument. Catch these two in your future kids’ APUSH textbooks. 

Singer of the Modern Day ‘Sweet Caroline’
Yep, it’s Aminé, and he’s headlining LDOC this year. His single, “Caroline,” reached number 11 on the US Billboard Hot 100 Chart in 2016 and was nominated Best New Hip Hop Artist for the 2017 BET Hip Hop Awards. Aminé will be joined by Gryffin, best known for his remixes of Tove Lo’s “Talking Body,” Maroon 5’s “Animals,” and his own creation collabing with Elley Duhé, “Tie Me Down.” The pop duo Loote will also be there, singing their hit single “High Without Your Love” and their first EP, “Single.” Two dukies will be hitting the stage as well, represented by Small Town Records: senior Simon White and sophomore Sara Held. As long as Aminé doesn’t ditch us last minute like GoldLink did last year, we’re good.

Ciao-Not-So-Bella
Over a boat. Allow us to explain. Two Duke professors, Co-Director of Duke’s Social Movements Lab Sandro Mezzadra and Professor of Literature and fellow Co-Director of Social Movements Lab Michael Hardt, used their boat to rescue 49 migrants floating in the Mediterranean Sea in a tiny rubber boat off the coast of Libya. The Italian government was not too pleased, as it bans non-governmental parties rescuing immigration boats, and seized the boat, accusing its captain of “aiding illegal immigration.”  Along with a group of friends, Mazzadra and Hardt purchased the boat for 400,000 Euros with the purpose of joining a non-govern mental organization to search for migrants in need of rescue near the Libyan coast. According to Hardt, these migrants face a “graveyard” in the choppy waters of the Mediterranean, which is what led to the deaths of over 1,600 people at sea during the first nine months of 2018. The migrants are now in Lampedusa, Italy, and are expected to be able to “initiate the refugee application process.”  
This just in: Devil’s Pizzeria will be on Merchants on Points soon…this is a dangerous game.
 
  1. Kappa 5K For Camp Kesem: This Saturday, come support Duke’s Kappa chapter in their annual 5K fundraiser, the funds from which will be donated to Duke’s chapter of Kamp Kesem—a local camp for children whose parents are affected by cancer. 
  2. Full Frame Free Screening: RBG: Come check out the Full Frame Free Screening, “RBG,” about U.S. Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg, AKA, Notorious RBG.
  3. Maggie Rogers: Heard It In A Past Life World Tour: Maggie Rogers will be performing at 8pm at The Ritz Raleigh this Sunday at 8PM. Tickets are already sold out, so I’d try your luck with re-salers. 
  4. Ideate 2019: A Student Design & Innovation Conference: Come out to Gross Hall next Sunday, April 6thfor a Student Design Conference, running for its 3rdyear in a row!
  5. KAT at Bat 2019: Check out the tables on the BC plaza and outside Marketplace this week to sign up for a team with your friends to help KAT’s philanthropy. It’s $5 per person or $20 for a full team.
  6. Duke Chinese Music Ensemble: Director Jennifer Chang brings a variety of Chinese musical instruments and styles, as well as pieces that mix Eastern and Western instruments. 5pm - Nelson Music Room, East Duke Building. 
  7. Bad Roads: Duke Theater Studies' spring mainstage production. This is a powerful play that explores what it's like to be a woman in wartime, specifically in the Ukraine. Shows span from Thursday, April 4  to Sunday April 14 at the Sheafer Theater. 
  8. Full Frame Documentary Film Festival: One of the world's premiere documentary film festivals is right here in Durham. April 4 - 7. 

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