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March 21st, 2019

“Why do we treat housekeepers like what they clean up?”
– Tim Kowlaczyk, on the poor conditions Duke housekeepers have to endure.

Caught RA’d Handed 
Three RA’s were recently fired by the associate dean for East Campus for tenting. Ooooooh. How terrible of them! According to Dean Bergene, they were dismissed for violating a policy regarding nights away from the dorm and were accused of “intent to deceive.” The three students were shocked at their dismissals, given that so many RA’s have missed a few nights in the dorm to tent. Let’s just say, Dukies were pissed. Around 800 people signed a petition to get the RA’s reinstated. The three immediately appealed their sentences, but only two were reinstated. So, how’d they get caught, you may be wondering? First, an RC spotted one of them on TV—caught blue handed—and then the other two got found out not much later. Technically, RAs are only allowed to participate in tenting “in a limited manner.” 

A Serious Pause
Ryan Ware, a 24-year old grad student, was the victim of a shooting outside the Durham Costco over break. Ware was immediately hospitalized with “serious injuries that could be life-threatening.” There are currently no updates on Ware’s condition, although a public information officer for the Durham Police Department stated that no charges have been filed and that there is still an ongoing investigation. If you know any information about the incident, contact CrimeStoppers at 919-683-1200, where you can provide anonymous tips about felonies and receive cash rewards if your info leads to an arrest. 

Duke Says Anyone Can Get Engayged
And that anyone can be a part of the church. Local Durham churches and Duke Divintity are pushing back against the United Methodist Church, which voted against LGBTQ+ inclusion late last month. Specifically, its General Conference voted to strengthen bans on same-sex marriage as well as the ordination of LGBTQ+ clergy. In January, Duke publicly joined the army of 92 Methodist-affiliated colleges urging the Methodist Church to fully include LGBTQ+ individuals.
We Gotchu Covered
When it comes to the 2019 NCAA tournament. Check out our regional preview of the Midwest, where the No.1 seed is North Carolina (ugh) and our regional preview of the South, where the No.1 seed is the Virginia Cavaliers. We’ve made you a quick score guide, which will be updated with the scores of each upcoming round. We’ve also brought in some of our best men’s basketball writers to give you their own predictions of who will make it to the Final Four, which potential Cinderellas they’re considering, and who they think will make it all the way.
Asking For A Friend…
How did Zion Williamson get so good? Thankfully for you, we had a Chronicle reporter look into it so that you, too, can learn to be as good as Zion. First, you need to be 6’7” and approximately 285 pounds of pure muscle. Williamson didn’t always look like that. Before 10thgrade, he blended in size-wise, but then along with his growth spurt came his undefeatability. His high school basketball coach described him as “one of those players that comes along maybe once in a lifetime.” He made it on ESPN for the first time his freshman year—soon after, his highlight reals made it on SportsCenter all the time. He became a local celebrity, as every game he played in during his junior and senior year were completely sold out. And now, he’s predicted to be the No. 1 pick in the 2019 NBA Draft this June. So…yeah, just follow those steps and you should be just as good as Zion in no time. Excuse us while we melt...literally:

Roasted by the Coast
Duke softball took a hard hit from Coastal Carolina on Tuesday, losing 11-4 at the Duke Softball Stadium. The Chanticleers got two home runs, including a grand slam and a three-run bomb. Though Duke started off strong in the first inning, CC game back hard in the second, opening up with a full-count double to right field. Well, all we’re saying is, no one knows what the F a Chanticleer is, so we’re considering ourselves the winners here. 
Cammy: The Modern-Day Chucky 
Did Chucky haunt your dreams back in the 2000s? There’s a new doll on campus to take his place. Her name is Cammy and you can find her in Cameron Indoor, with blue devil horns drawn on her forehead and a rip in her right leg. That gives her character, we guess? Duke’s line monitors have passed the doll down to each other for decades, and she’s even used in cheers and videos that have been showcased on ESPN and viral YouTube videos. In one viral ESPN clip, Cammy’s mom was caught slapping her in the face in the student section, which we feel like probably came back to haunt her. Apparently if you’re named the new mother, you have to be prepared to get a lot of attention. Like, Jack-White-asking-if-he-can-kiss-your-baby type of attention. Or Antonio Vrankovic headbutting your baby. 

Suspension Suspended
Remember when four different frats were suspended during this year while pending hazing investigations? Well, the last of the four—Delta Tau Delta—has finally had its suspension lifted after two months of pending investigation. DTD president Matthew Gallardo stated, “We’re happy that this matter has been resolved and look forward to the rest of the semester.” 

Hatred and Intolerance Will Never Define Us
After the attacks on New Zealand mosques that left 50 dead, Duke community members were quick to try to bring some healing to campus. In an email to the whole school, President Price expressed his support for anyone in the Duke community who may have been affected by the tragedy and Larry Moneta informed the entire school of a vigil in front of the Chapel that would be hosted by the Duke Muslim Students Association. Muslim students knelt on prayer rugs on the lawn as other Duke members gathered around them in solidarity. 
Cure your Scary Sundies with hungover brunch from Mad Hatter's this weekend.
  1. Seth Meyers: Prepare to laugh your face off, since Seth Meyers will be speaking at The Carolina Theater of Durham this Satruday at 7pm. Tickest are going from between $45 and $90—not too bad for the objective MVP of SNL.
  2. Holi Festival 2019: Let’s get colorful. Durham will be hosting its third annual Holi Fest in Durham Central Park where the color fight, children’s activities, and food and bevs will be open to all! Color will be available for purchase upon check in, so don’t come with any outside colors!
  3. Duke’s DEMAN & Donuts: Come out to the Broadhead Center March 27thto meet Duke alums who can connect you to the media world! You’ll hear from a Duke alum who has worked at ESPN, Discovery Inc, Scripps, ESPN, TNT, and TBS. 
  4. Antisemitism: Here and Now: This coming Monday, come out to the Reynolds Industries Theater to hear the Dorot Professor of Modern Jewish History and Holocaust Studies at Emory deliver a free public lecture on the rise of antisemitism in the US and Europe. 
  5. Duke UVA and Georgetown Improv Comedy Crossover Pachanga: Come out to the Ruby to see the improv extravaganza of the century.
  6. Bad Roads: Duke Theater Studies' spring mainstage production. This is a powerful play that explores what it's like to be a woman in wartime, specifically in the Ukraine. Shows span from Thursday, April 4  to Sunday April 14 at the Sheafer Theater. 

The Dirt
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