The Class of 2022: A Bunch of Liberal Squares? Probably, But See What The Data Says:
Look at these pleasing graphs of data from first-years my friend made. Remember how full of hopes and dreams you were when you first came here? That’s what these first-years are experiencing. Only half of them had ever had alcohol! Remember when you were like that too? What happens to us here? Who have we become? What do we have to show for our time? Have we become better people or merely accumulated more experiences and more accolades? Anyway, like a quarter of them hired “private admissions counselors” which I personally find completely insane. Also, legacies appear to be way richer than non-legacies which like, yeah.
Need to Regain A Sense of Control Over Your Own Life? Try Voting, I Guess:
Early voting opened this week, so we wrote a guide about how to do it in Durham. If there’s one uncontroversial thing you want to do this week, it should be early voting. People really love that stuff. Especially old people. We have a bunch of constitutional amendments on the ballot this year, and The Chronicle will tell you what they mean. Regrettably, my amendment, the “Give The Dirt a job” amendment, will not appear on the ballot this midterm. Anyway, our guide is very thorough, and will even tell you how to buy stamps to mail your absentee ballot. Who needs a mom when you have The Chronicle?
What Would We Do Without A Literal Indie Coffee Shop On Every Block?
Gentrification: a white rich liberal’s secret favorite thing. Okay, so actually gentrification is the way that rich people move into a poorer area and capitalize off government’s under-investment in it. If you are new to having a political consciousness and/or Durham, you may not have heard about gentrification, but you have almost certainly contributed to it, my sweet summer child. Median household income in Durham is around a third of the median family income of Duke students, which means your beautiful apartment which you trash every weekend is way more profitable to landlords than housing a family of normal people. But yeah, definitely pretend you don’t see homeless people asking for money. We get that you’re trying to save for your move to New York after graduation.
Walk-Up Line? Dead. Slaughtered. Deceased. Annihilated. Killed.
You would think this would be a sports story, but apparently enough people care about it that it’s considered something you NEED to know. If you were planning on sleeping on the ground for a couple of days in the middle of winter, turns out you will (probably) no longer be able to do that in a way so socially accepted that it won’t seem like you’ve lost your mind. I invite you to join me in sleeping on the ground outside as part of my performance art piece, so that your masochism may retain an air of legitimacy. I don’t have UNC game tickets for you, though.